Monday, November 1, 2010
Last night, Halloween, we went to the annual party at the Whitlocks. They invite our Sunday School class and maybe a few others. They make chili and everyone brings a side, and then about 45 people go trick-or-treating together. Very fun.
The thing that made it fun this year is that the Whitlocks are moving. That's not the fun part...the fun part is that we are going to rent their house. It has 4 bedrooms instead of three. Luke thinks this is heaven. He is the only one who has never had his own room and doesn't let me forget it. It has a pool. We all think that is heaven. It is better than the house we are in now in every way.
It is a little more than we pay now, so I told the boys to be more frugal in the things that they ask for and in eating out. We can do it, I know. But I have noticed the the last few years of struggle, that I suddenly worry more. It was very different having someone with whom to shoulder the burden of decision-making and worry. Even if it was just an illusion. And it was an illusion. I try to remember that I was in it alone for all of those years, so now I don't have to ask an opinion, I just do it. Still, sometimes the illusion was more comforting that nothing.
Since I decided to make this move, I have these feelings that I don't deserve to have more and better. I don't know why I feel that way. Maybe it's because I have had to ask for help in the last few years. I had to live with my parents when Joseph's seizures were still so active. I work for my dad. I do my job and bring in money, but I still wonder how I would do somewhere else. I guess the bottom line is that my confidence is shaken. It has taken time and tons of effort to get back to "normal" in the last five years. I guess it will just take more time to feel like I really know what I am doing.
Whenever I feel like I am not where I would like to be, I apply the "Six Month Rule." Am I better off than I was six months ago? I think I am, and after Christmas, we can say that we are without a doubt!